This Other Life

Chapter 1: No Day the Same

My life is absurd; my mere existence obscene. But it doesn't bother me. Others' opinions tend not to since they know only what image of me they created about me. Whether or not I've given them permission. It's not enough for me to break free from the shadow of myself. Impossible. For as long as my light shines it casts a shadow. However you perceive light is exactly how you will accept it whether or not that's what it is naturally: if you are bedazzled; if you are fascinated; if you are recharged or energized ; if you want to be it, be more than or even with it ; whether you are blinded ; whether you cover or avert your gaze ; whether you see by it ~ see beauty by it or in it or...to search and stay only within its cast or hide from it -it doesn't change the nature of the light.

Light dances through time; not eradicating the darkness but cutting through it -collecting likeness...rather, absorbing it. At least...these are what I would like to say. Instead, I write them in my makeshift journal for words are more than the ears can bear. Is what I'd like to continue believing. But...it's because I'm no speaker. I don't form arguments unless I can see them. And writing is the only way. But like listening, who reads anymore? Pretentious words are pretentious...unless your insecure projecting is hindering you from seeing through; persevering until the end. 
So I write.
Because my existence is not based upon your opinions of me. It merely informs how I may blossom or wither. I neither blossom nor wither. I'm not a flower. But I'm not above the life-form flower so much as I am above your weak observational comparison.
I'm the one who initiated that comparison. Sure. But that was without thinking about it until I thought about it. The beauty of thinking and changing.

Enough about me.
What are you if not a reflection of my projection(*) real or imagined. Real, for who you are and imagined for what I think. You do exist, the space which you exist is real. I am real, my space is real and what we imagine with the space becomes real. So too what we don’t imagine but the difference between evil imagination and thoughtless imagination is that evil can be stopped and contained while thoughtlessness remains. There’s always room for thoughtlessness because we want the power to continue doing whatever without the responsibility and consequences tied to it…as long as we are or can feign carelessness and whimsical as something to be valued by implication. ‘Ok’ is something acceptable ‘as long as’ ‘up until’ ‘because choices’ ‘because will’… because we apply absolute values in a world full of colors and shades. Therefore we must allow for shades and colors since we’ve already and always play by absolutes.

No, people can’t imagine a world of peace because to do so you would actually have to erase absolutes or colors and shades. It doesn’t actually co-exist -it oversects -it intersects -it parallels such that we can see it but can’t be it. When we match *align, something happens: more resistance from others. Realizations that more people would rather have a shades-colored world but keep as a foundational root, absolutes and that more people willfully live like this -therefore it’s not an uphill battle but scale up a collapsing mountain you’re engaged in. And two results: battle fatigue and retreat or ardent determination to fight harder and/or longer.

And so I write. Because complex issues deserve esoteric* speech. If you know, you know. The answer is there. Question it.