An Ordered Environment for the Chaotic Mind

Chapter 6: Nothing New, Nothing to Learn The title says it all. The end. Next chapter. Well…you can read the next chapter. I myself will still have to complete this chapter since I (always finish what I start, even if eventually) had already begun. There’s always something to learn. Unless you’re refusing to learn in which case… I review. Because not everything is applied. Not everything is applicable. The learning is the nuance. The learning is discerning the nuance. Spewing nice platitudes or semi-confusing shzzzzzz impresses other pseudo-intellects. Don’t think about that too much. Let us rewind. Because regurgitating what I’ve seen. What I’ve heard. What I’ve practiced. Is well and good and all. But what did we learn? I think. Therefore, I’m confused. Confused as to how you believe what you even mentally exercise is remotely close to logic? Do we not operate under the same cultural influences? Apparently not. It’s not as though we don’t share the same language. Not a...

Consider -or taking all outside points to make a decision. Defined as something complete in an incomplete fashion; consideration evokes an imagery of a more thoughtful social deliberation. It can also be used more as a directive -a polite, light thinking -about a topic that may mostly be important in the context of academia -something that you can take a short amount of time to answer in a timely manner, yet deep enough to return to at a later thesis. Philosophers are a dying breed. Scholars are far and few -those who care about the craft, not what the benefits of teaching said craft. What the craft produces is a beautiful labor in [considerateness] love.   Meditate or meditation is, of course, quite the inner-endeavor. However, with this it requires a more action-oriented thought: self-discipline. It’s difficult to think of nothing for long amounts of time in a life that is so determined to force a culture of rush [urgency…] and self-centeredness as opposed to a life of centere...

Chapter 5: Lectures Are For Words When I have no words. I am thinking. Yet, because I think so much, it becomes boring at times. I feel, however, there’s not enough of a demand to clarify the nuances of ‘think’ artistically. So, I shall try -if only for my own gratification. As I looked (and suddenly changed the tone of this…work…) at synonyms of ‘think’, I note the placement on the list and what intersected. I too shall leave the order mostly intact. What I excluded was ‘weigh up’ and the antonym ‘act’. ‘Weigh up’ because I don’t really use it nor have heard it used often so I have no opinion about it either way. …Yet…I may add it because the more I contemplate how I feel about the word and what imagery it evokes, I can begin to explain about it as well… But the omission of antonyms remain. As far as Reason goes, it more often than not falls under a positive light. It is made under calm, deliberation and [ideally] allows other parties to see someone as reason -able. It is opini...

Chapter 4: Many Perspectives Does Not Many Realities Make I know. Because I have clarity. It is not simply my namesake. It was an ‘accidental’ yet destined christening. Even if not, certainly a name that grew on me ; I flourished into. I would love to declare it a superpower! Because it is…but as with any kind of power, handled responsibly. I know. Remember, I listen with my being. I pick up on what you meant to say ; mean to say but can’t say ; tried to say but couldn’t -I don’t read into what you intend but allow for all nuanced possibilities…on my good days. When I don’t react well even perceiving your intentions is because my essence is wrath when it should not be. That, or I don’t like you because you’re an asshole. I discern great mysteries, because ~ patterns! As a visual learner, I love seeing whole pictures and the details that makes it. There’s a logic in imagining and a satisfaction in knowing. And even more delight in re-inventing the narrative. The dangers in the re...

Chapter 3: Every Moment There Are No Days I learn. Because such is life. Mostly, because I love learning. But what is learning if not sharing? I learn -because others don’t. Even though they pay me. Even when they don’t. Learning is not simply a process nor a progress. Surprised? You shouldn’t be. Learning, has erroneously, simplistically and egregiously been implicitly used as a self improvement ‘tool’. It is more than that -and that more is what is feared. I entreat all, that even as inaccurate as what is taught is taught -it terrifies those who can be upended by it -rightfully so~ Learning, I am beaten over the head by so many well intentioned ‘good’ people, is life -experiences; not simply academia. However, as a lover of all knowledge -your disregard for all forms of learning [rather, for the way in which I prefer to learn] insults my core. Being smarter than you, of course ‘experience is the best teacher’ -however, you also asked me what I want to do as a career. This is...

I take note. I always take notes. I like writing. Or something. That was not so evidently aforementioned. This type of listening is hardest for me to do as I am even less focused…but at least I have evidence of statements or some such thing…thus I sidegress… Did I not say that nothing comes close to ‘listen’? I didn’t use ‘attend’ because I’m not your waiter. You don’t attend with your whole being. You just don’t. But…that’s just me stubbornly refusing to let any other word be twisted enough to replace ‘listen’. Attend may sound ‘empathetic’ but to me it conveys a more action-related listening that chains you into the pity pool of the party in question. Not all vent fests are pity parties but not all parties are without its pities… I listen. Because it’s a better song than its synonyms. I’m no songwriter, so I can’t quite imagine such a thing. Yet, were there to be one written, I wouldn’t be averse to giving it an ear. No matter how I feel; listening suits all my moods. Especial...

Hearing, my first line of alert defense. Listening, is what sparks my neurons. Seeing, my even more passive defense -is observational. I react by what I hear, not what I see. Yet I understand better what I see [read] than what I listen to. My very essence -a living contradiction. Why must there be a reconciling? What if there is no necessity in reconciling these ‘contradictions’ but an acceptance of its co-existence as a whole? Acknowledgement is not only the inception to the solution but the bitter ~sweet ~ basis for which we must live moment by moment. It is the answer and the Answer. For if in each moment, we know this and continue to Choose to elevate (not eliminate) one aspect, we can better handle the possible outcome, not the control. For, again, there is an inclination to simplify everything into absolutes to make it easier to war within. Yet, even if you were to eliminate one evil, another will present itself to you and may even take its place as something worse. Therefore, y...

Chapter 2: I Lie -Every Day The Same I listen. There is no joy that occurs in speaking to you. After all, you speak at me, above me, around me, behind me, over me, to any but me… There is no benefit to talking to you since, even though I can accept you not respecting me as your choice, I can NOT concede that I should respect you simply because it’s your expectation; merely your standard, or some supposed social normalization, or cultural custom. All of these which mean the same, nuanced ‘differingly’ -I love digresplaning -quite unobviously.   I listen. Not with my ears, but with my whole being. Because there is a tell that you commit when you lie. There is a weakness, a flaw, that you reveal when you continue assaulting me with your verbal drivel. For, none of what you say can even come from your mind. Your essence doesn’t emanate that vileness because you don’t even believe what you say. Yet… I listen. There are so many things I know about you because of what you o...