This Other Life Four

Chapter 4: Many Perspectives Does Not Many Realities Make

I know. Because I have clarity. It is not simply my namesake. It was an ‘accidental’ yet destined christening. Even if not, certainly a name that grew on me ; I flourished into. I would love to declare it a superpower! Because it is…but as with any kind of power, handled responsibly.

I know. Remember, I listen with my being. I pick up on what you meant to say ; mean to say but can’t say ; tried to say but couldn’t -I don’t read into what you intend but allow for all nuanced possibilities…on my good days. When I don’t react well even perceiving your intentions is because my essence is wrath when it should not be. That, or I don’t like you because you’re an asshole.

I discern great mysteries, because ~ patterns! As a visual learner, I love seeing whole pictures and the details that makes it. There’s a logic in imagining and a satisfaction in knowing. And even more delight in re-inventing the narrative. The dangers in the re-invention is the reinterpretation when relaying with others -even those who share the closest insights as you. But what is life without incepting a story to coalesce with all other stories.

I recognize that I’ve stated I love ideas for its everlasting charm ~ and there are those who aspire to advancing their stories to legendary statuses. Yet, there are those who achieve such feats without that initial objective…and [so] what is the common thread that fosters such?

That, I shall speculate…at some future junction if I remember to. Still, I have no interest in people or their legends. At least not such that it’s on an intensity bordering obsession.Ideas.persist.

I understand. Because understanding lays down the bridge and is the closest to empathy than the haughty, elitist [connotation] knowing. Yet, I overstand because what you say cannot be understated. I’m tired, and absolutely hate repetition. I get it. I get you. Stop.beating.a.dead.horse. I am not the obtuse one -not a child and I would greatly appreciate you not patronizing me ; treating me as one who has no agency. And, I could then stop condescending you and your lack of upper level progression. No, really, I need for you to level up your thinking and stop bloviating as though your pseudo intellectual trappings help anyone in any situation. I pointedly digress. 

I acknowledge. Many things. Most things are indeed acknowledgeable. Doesn’t mean I’ve agreed to it -it does mean that not naming it doesn’t NOT make it any more/less nonexistent. So saying until I can untangle my sentence. I know what I meant. If you do, great. If not…

I appreciate the move for tolerance. At least at first. However, it becomes harder for most to grasp how dangerous tolerance is. It is simply a synonym for apathy. Fight me on this. Where apathy cares not for anything, tolerance cares about everything at minimal. That expression I hate, ‘Go big or go home’ applies aptly in this case. Love, or hate. Have strong feelings but these ‘middle of the road’ justifications for not being more engaging, more ALIVE in any current situation is the very reason why evil exists and persists. You may not have ‘strong emotions’ about certain things except for when there’s pushback and a call out on the effects of your position. And RIGHTFULLY So.

I am familiar with all positions for I have encountered, experienced and considered given points (and even unspoken ones! I ruminate deeply) at any given time. It is why even if I am uncertain of or have the wrong answers (for actions) I can proceed on full conviction and I can continue having hope for the future and love. As imperfect as that love is -but as all existing things -for growth or even in decay there are changes~

I recognize that while I know many words, I still use the thesaurus as my very life depends upon it. Stringing together words is a source of pleasure. Even more to see how much is twisted in others’ reading of abstractions. So I write. Because although I have clarity I cannot speak with such for to do so it would become untrue. How that works is simply this: I.have.no.control.in.outcomes.only.what.I.speak.to.power.and.what.you.decide.to.believe.and.or.interpret.

I grasp. With my hands. Perhaps too with my mind. But it is far easier for me to let go physically than mentally. Grasping is so exhausting and quite honestly, the bottom of the enlightenment path. Yet…it is underestimated and underappreciated as the first step too, to unlearning. If you grasped something, you let it go. You proceed with that something new. The more entrenched you are in your enlight-heaviment ~the more difficult it is to change. Enlightenment doesn’t happen only once even though there is one life -there ARE many years during that lifetime, after all. I know.

Everything.