This Other Life Five Down, Many More to Go ~

Chapter 5: Lectures Are For Words

When I have no words. I am thinking. Yet, because I think so much, it becomes boring at times. I feel, however, there’s not enough of a demand to clarify the nuances of ‘think’ artistically. So, I shall try -if only for my own gratification.

As I looked (and suddenly changed the tone of this…work…) at synonyms of ‘think’, I note the placement on the list and what intersected. I too shall leave the order mostly intact. What I excluded was ‘weigh up’ and the antonym ‘act’. ‘Weigh up’ because I don’t really use it nor have heard it used often so I have no opinion about it either way. …Yet…I may add it because the more I contemplate how I feel about the word and what imagery it evokes, I can begin to explain about it as well…But the omission of antonyms remain.

As far as Reason goes, it more often than not falls under a positive light. It is made under calm, deliberation and [ideally] allows other parties to see someone as reason-able. It is opinion laid out as [resembles] fact-based statements. Negatively speaking, reasons are what you give to justify your actions to others. It is ‘justification-lite’ that no matter how ‘inappropriate’ or dangerous your actions are -you can reason them as though debating about it politely in society can give it more credibility or protections as a ‘freedom’ to do something just because you should be able to. You can reason many things and even though reason is hailed as ‘emotionless’ superior social standing [and especially to disparage and/or to ‘set apart’ from females] – it indicates maturity levels [necessarily…to be placed here or elsewhere…but most likely I meant what I said…] more-so than intellect.

Contemplate, I consider a quietude. Or something one does after reading and generally keeps these thoughts to themselves or writes them in a diary. I would say blog but how private are blogs? Most people do not contemplate these days and especially [don’t] not announce them. I don’t even necessarily mean this against the younger generations but to older ones as well. And. Although muse was not on the list, is rather suitable to mention here as the concurrent to contemplation. Where contemplation, I see more for writing or reading, muse encompasses even more creative mediums. Contemplate seems more self-reflective while muse seems more inner-outer[-inner] directed. Case in point -you can noun the verb by making anyone or thing that inspires you a muse. You hardly call someone a contemplate. Perhaps you can call someone a contempt plate although I don’t know in what situation you would. Anyhow.

Reflect also seems rather tranquil [although it is quite the inner battle!]. Not only that, passive in a way that shows others’ influence on you reflecting back onto them [common example: having children]. Not to be confused with deflect which does require thinking in the gymnastics department. Yet…reflect still seems rather surface level even though it too is used like contemplate -as an inner exercise. Self-reflecting (self-reflection*) and introspection are vastly different levels that proves whether or not one can mature [develop or advance] as a human being. Or a plant or whatever you consider yourself. Allow me: introspection, is a pre-conceived notion about yourself that you have and see yourself as that way even as you convinced yourself that you had taken others’ opinions (true or not) about you into consideration. Thus it is actually outer-inner. Whereas self-reflection is inner-outer-inner. It is that extra step because now you are reflecting what you learned and believe and not necessarily centering on yourself even though [AND SO] acknowledging you as a subjective being, not an objective observer. Introspection is you as an outsider looking into yourself -not yourself looking into yourself and confronting yourself (here, it is easy to become lost; become, or rather remain narcissistic). An example: "I think I'm right but I will consider what the other said as long as it benefits me in some way in the future/tangibly. Or: I understand you how I see me -and I see myself as what I think about me not taking any other opinion into account at all. Thus when confronting something about myself that another doesn't like (*not just because it's socially unacceptable but because it's toxic), I can NOT understand how or why it's so toxic because it's simply how I am ~ confronting self becomes 'self-acceptance' the excuse to remain the same regardless of how it hurts someone else. And that once that acceptance is reasoned I become and remain defensive about the self I accepted. It's really not to say that what others say about you is necessarily *right, but it IS to say the difference between self reflecting and reflecting self is a skill many lack. I must keep cycling through my thoughts until I get to a point. I’m not descriptive yet I use words.

And so I continue. 

If, by now you still haven’t grasped -I’m rather visual and words evoke imagery whether or not it is meant to be punny. Such as ponder. A pond is serene and small. Yet it teems with life! Ponder seems to [me, to] suggest an active positivity -a wonder and imaginative muse-contemplation about life or any other thing pertaining to. However, it’s also a bit awkward to use. For me, it is one of those words that is more visually pleasing (or fun ~) than efficient to use or say. Although, at some points I do wish people would use a variety of words…except I know that I would become tired of hearing the variety à efficiency/convenience pithiness over flowery speech. Words spoken have a different function and to me, more dangerous than the written word. Words given breath is given life. As such, ARE the sticks and stones used to break bones (added to that) written words will cut through the psyche and leave scars across time. Written words have replaced oral tradition thus the fresh renewal of its life is the interpretation of each new generation. Onward ~!

Deliberate is a word I like best because it is constant and consistent: thinking and action but not apart from each other nonetheless existing in each moment with discipline. It is set yet changeable (variable) only by the person yet unmoved by outside motivators (*Or deciding on something carefully with grave responsibility or with a group). Deliberation ~ a collaborative effort of a singular person’s braincells or an individual within a group all requires careful contemplation of various proofs/evidences or sides to the matter -as such must come to an agreement on a solution. To deliberate requires active time [as opposed to passive time] which one does moment to moment and matches actions to thoughts. Inner. Outer.