This Other Life Two Many Continues...

Hearing, my first line of alert defense. Listening, is what sparks my neurons. Seeing, my even more passive defense -is observational. I react by what I hear, not what I see. Yet I understand better what I see [read] than what I listen to. My very essence -a living contradiction. Why must there be a reconciling? What if there is no necessity in reconciling these ‘contradictions’ but an acceptance of its co-existence as a whole? Acknowledgement is not only the inception to the solution but the bitter ~sweet ~ basis for which we must live moment by moment. It is the answer and the Answer. For if in each moment, we know this and continue to Choose to elevate (not eliminate) one aspect, we can better handle the possible outcome, not the control. For, again, there is an inclination to simplify everything into absolutes to make it easier to war within. Yet, even if you were to eliminate one evil, another will present itself to you and may even take its place as something worse. Therefore, you will do well to acknowledge and elevate.

I listen -because there are no other words in the English language that even means anything remotely as good as ‘listen’-because I’m bored. I’m nosy and I connect with others through listening.

But I don’t.

When listening is hard -it’s invariably about me. Whether good or bad. Continual praise has me suspicious of your intentions. It is especially distressing when having been praised, it is you elevating me to an impossible status of your imaginings that I can easily plummet from, never to return to your graces no matter what I do. If something ‘bad’ which I classify here as UnTrue ~is hard to listen to because as stated, it’s UNTRUE! Or, simply something negative is…simple to hear once. Not daily. Stop reminding me of why you think I’m a failure even though it stems from your own projective insecurities to which I respond -fuck.your.ego. Critiques are the bitter pills I’ve tried to take. I don’t believe I’ve improved any -but, I try -and I must do better. If only for me -not for you because I don’t live with you -I don’t see you every living hour. Thank God for that.

I heed. Except for when it’s about my wrath. Unfortunately stubborn, it is the only emotion I have that gets a spectrum chart illustrated and so happily [with much pleasure]. I live as though my essence is anger. It shouldn’t be. Wrath has Dire consequences.

Yet it is the only appropriate response to injustice. How else would one be so moved AND do something about injustice? Empathy only devolves into pity where they help one person they see or donate money to the numerous charities in existence -yet never be the one on the front-line; not be the one who makes dents in systematic injustice. ‘Love’ under the pretense of ‘forgiving’ all transgressions is most violent of all. Why SHOULD one not be angry? Kumbaya and hugs are not only NOT viable solutions -they are ALSO culturally appropriated and weaponized against the Oppressed not the Oppressor.