This Other Life II Infinity and...Infinity

I take note. I always take notes. I like writing. Or something. That was not so evidently aforementioned. This type of listening is hardest for me to do as I am even less focused…but at least I have evidence of statements or some such thing…thus I sidegress…

Did I not say that nothing comes close to ‘listen’? I didn’t use ‘attend’ because I’m not your waiter. You don’t attend with your whole being. You just don’t. But…that’s just me stubbornly refusing to let any other word be twisted enough to replace ‘listen’. Attend may sound ‘empathetic’ but to me it conveys a more action-related listening that chains you into the pity pool of the party in question. Not all vent fests are pity parties but not all parties are without its pities…

I listen. Because it’s a better song than its synonyms. I’m no songwriter, so I can’t quite imagine such a thing. Yet, were there to be one written, I wouldn’t be averse to giving it an ear.

No matter how I feel; listening suits all my moods. Especially when there is accompanying music. Only…I hate lyrics when it presupposes how I should feel. Let me feel with the music, no words are necessary whether or not those words apply.

Lyrics are good. Well…when written and executed well. Is effective…when political, perhaps. Yet above all, is unimportant. After all, how many songs can you sing the lyrics to -how many do you like simply for the beat and not the lyrics? What even are words…

To listen or not to listen…

When listening becomes a way for you to weaponize words against me, we are no longer connected. Congratulations. You have won that battle. Don’t think I’m kind enough to want to link with you for longer than necessary. I am and will always be my number one. For my self-preservation, you are not a requirement to my well-being. I can still listen to you because that’s who I am, but it’s not my downfall. Incidentally, it IS yours. I don’t simply have ears. I have a mouth, too. And were we not talking about me sinking ships like a Siren? I am not petty with my words…well…I try not to be? Mostly, I am deadly accurate. Words hurt for that moment and across time -and I make sure you realize that. Things may calm over time, but you will always remember that deadly accuracy and be wary of vexing me. I won’t hold it over you -I don’t wish to be petty. But again, my words are lasting even when we have long moved past the incident. I only became aware of such powers when ‘friends’ were on the receiving end of my verbal resentments*. I was antagonistic. To be quite honest -I’ve tried burying her, but she has resurfaced. ~Refer to above where unless you acknowledge your self you can never be fully whole ~ 

I truly don’t wish to hurt anyone. Perhaps, superseding that is the desire for my Self to not be hurt.

I listen. Because our brokenness is the same. Not entirely but enough that we can connect -and connecting seems to be that underwhelming ~ overarching theme of humanity. If by dust we were formed -then water is what shapes, informs and holds us -it is by energy we are moved. And by my whole being, I listen.

Because even if we are not connected, do not connect; we are the same. We are different but we have that one same thread, however haphazardly that connects us -we all die. That is the condition of a physical thing -death. Thus even if I must perish more violently than you, we will both at any point in time (another ‘connector’ parsing us as effectively as distance (space)) depart the world.

Perhaps, my listening is a way for you to fully formulate your ideas. Flesh it ~ speak life for words are power! I enjoy ideas more than I enjoy humans. Although…well…ideas do tend to transcend time better than most humans…thus I fall in love with concepts more than humans…This, neither here nor there. I listen. Because whether you speak it or not, those ideas still exist, have existed will exist even after you or can/will be spoken from someone else. Therefore, do not convince yourself that it is you I am interested in.

But I hate listening. When all you do is whine or cry…a lot. This is why children are not my priority. I understand and can allow them to cry out everything -yet not always and that’s unfair to the child. I try but still absolutely abhor loud noises and were the child to throw quieter tantrums, (centering such things on me -I’m my own priority always) I could perhaps think of having one of my own. Fortunately, it’s not likely to happen. The world is a better place for my decisions. You’re welcome.

Do realize that though I listen to you and can advise you, I am NOT your problem solver. Stop.elevating.the.pedestal.that.shouldn’t.even.exist.under.me. I may just take that pedestal and break it over your head. Wake up! Oh…concussions aren’t the way to an enlightened state…were it so, violence would indeed be the answer…Perhaps I don’t condone violence. But, that would be me knowing and speaking the ‘correct’ answer yet again! I know all!

I listen. It’s easier to listen to others than it is to speak, thus when I travel, I know what you are saying even though I cannot respond. Yes, not being able to respond can be a hindrance -but no good deed goes unpunished -no bad deed goes without its due justice. But, I must be vigilant in what I consider justice, lest it simply be a ‘holier’ revenge than the vengeance of a natural order of…things. Yes, we create laws to live outside of the natural order -but there IS a natural order and it’s NOT one that males have corrupted. Were males to be the end all be all, nature would not have begun purging males by birthing more females. Out of desperation, femicide runs rampant -but again, the natural order is and will prevail.